Taking Stock

Hello there, Sharing is Caring Members!

Well, it’s been more than a hot minute since my last blog post. There are reasons for my absence, not sure we’ll cover them all today, but I wanted to get on here and say – YES, I’m still committed to sharing my wellness journey, and YES, I’m still in pain.

June and July were particularly difficult months for me, and I grappled with a number of setbacks I didn’t have the physical energy or mental capacity to deal with, much less write about.

When I started blogging in January, I had a basic idea about how this journey would go. It looked like a pretty straightforward march towards health and happiness with a lot of travel thrown in as incentive to be the healthiest me I could be.

Yes, I knew there would be challenges. Yes, I knew there would be stumbling blocks. Yes, I knew there would be the odd S-curve thrown in. In truth, these were meant to be fodder for the ramblings of my diabolical mind.

I did not anticipate a worldwide pandemic, or the impact COVID-19 would have on my mental and physical well-being.

Not gonna lie. I’ve been in the midst of a depression that has impacted my ability and desire to, for lack of better words, get shit done.

Yes. I said it.

Depression.

Given the stigma associated with the word, and many people’s poorly informed opinions about depression, it’s not something I admit easily or without a certain amount of trepidation.

Here’s the thing though, to move forward in my journey and continue with the blog, I felt I needed to be honest (with myself and incidentally with you) in sharing where I’m at.

To be clear, I have not been officially diagnosed with or treated for depression. It’s simply the word I use to describe my mental state and the impact my prolonged “low” mood is having on my life.

So what does depression mean to me?

The most common or basic definition of (Major) depression is feelings of anger, loss, or sadness lasting two weeks or more and interfering with a person’s everyday activities. See links above.

Symptoms (lasting two weeks or more) can include:

• Difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much
• Loss of appetite or overeating
• Rapid weight loss or weight gain
• Feelings of gloom, sadness, or grief
• Low energy and fatigue
• Loss of interest in regular or pleasurable activities
• Reduced ability to concentrate or memory problems
• Difficulty in making decisions
• Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
• Constant worry or anxiety
• Thoughts of death, self-harm, or suicide
• Social withdrawal
• Unexplained aches or pains

My symptoms (lasting two months or more) include:

• Difficulty sleeping or staying asleep leading to low energy and fatigue
• Overeating or emotional eating leading to weight gain
• COVID related feelings of gloom and doom leading to anxiety about the future
• Constant COVID related worry and thoughts of sickness and death (mine and others)
• Loss of interest in pleasurable activities (writing)
• Memory problems and reduced cognitive abilities
• Increased aches and pains
• A desire to socially withdraw (I am still out and about but it takes extra effort)

Yes. Safe to say, I have been (and continue to be) in a depressed state.

Truth.

It’s not the first time, it won’t be the last time, and it’s not something to be ashamed of.

I’m human. I have feelings. Things affect me – sometimes for prolonged periods. I can’t control it. Like the chronic pain I suffer from, there’s no snapping out of it. There’s no magic pill. Telling me I have much to be grateful for doesn’t help.

Along with the fibromyalgia and arthritis, depression is likely something I inherited from my parents, and they from their parents. There are other causes of depression as well, chronic pain being one of them, but we’ll get into that in another blog.

Bottom line. I’m depressed. Is this bout of depression COVID related? The answer is…probably.

Am I coming around?

Yes.

How do I know?

I’m writing again, and it feels good, so hopefully, more to come soon!

In the meantime, I hope you are all taking care of your mental and physical health while staying safe in this topsy turvy world. 

Reminder, if anyone needs to chat or share, this forum is here for you. You can also drop me a line through the contact page! And don’t forget, there are many excellent resources out there if you need more support during this (or any) difficult time.

Until the next blog – peace out pain sufferers.