October 2020

Accountability Update – Week 4

Leave a Comment / Accountability Update / /

Hey there, Sharing is Caring Lovelies!

Well this week was a total bust for me. Pain levels skyrocketed and the brain drain was significant.

Let’s review!

My goals for the week starting Thursday Oct 22, 2020 were:

Physical Activity.

Target: Two 20 – 30 minute cardio sessions. Partially accomplished. I did one 30-minute cardio session on the bike.

Target: One gentle stretching or yoga session. Not accomplished.

House Cleaning.

Target: Clean both upstairs bathrooms. Partially accomplished. Cleaned my bathroom. The guest bath used by everyone but me is still a biohazard!

Work towards the completion of the current work in progress.

Target: Write one to five pages this week. Accomplished. The words did not come easy but I completed a new scene.

Lose the COVID weight plus the twenty pounds of pre COVID weight gain.

Target: Lose one pound. Not accomplished. When my pain is high, I tend to eat for comfort. This week I gained one pound.

Personal Grooming.

Target: Shave my legs. Accomplished. This was damn near a two-razor job!

Lesson Learned:

Setting my intentions helps me to take small steps towards my bigger goals, but sometimes work/life balance tips in favor of work. When there’s no time and energy left over, something has to give, and if that something is one of my target goals, that’s okay. There’s always next week.

So I’m going to keep moving forward one target at a time. Here we go!

Mini targets for the week starting November 1:

Health and Wellness:

  • Target: Two 20 – 30 minute cardio sessions.
  • Target: One gentle stretching or yoga session.
  • Target: Make an appointment to get a flu shot.
  • Target: Reduce Diet Coke consumption to 3 to 4 cans for the week.
  • Target: Make healthier food choices.
  • Target: Lose one pound.

Writing:

  • Target: Meet daily NaNo (National Novel Writing Month) goal of writing one page per day.
  • Target: Update NaNo goals in writing group daily.
  • Target: Make final decision on editor and secure services.
  • Target: Put deposit down on logo development.

Work/Life Balance:

  • Target: Clean spare bathroom.
  • Target: Prepare package I’ve been sitting on since March and figure out how to send without breaking the bank!
  • Target: Remember to write down those things I want to add as targets, but keep forgetting.

That’s it for now, friends. Hope everyone is staying safe.

Until the next update—peace out pain sufferers.

Current pain level 9/10.

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Accountability Update – Week 3

2 Comments / Accountability Update / /

Hey there, Sharing is Caring Lovelies!

Feels like this week did not get off the ground for me, but as I wrote this update, and looked back at the things I accomplished, I realized, I got a lot more done than I was giving myself credit for!

My goals for the week starting Thursday Oct 15, 2020 were:

Physical fitness activities.

Target 1: Do two 20 – 30 min cardio session (includes walking). Partially accomplished. Did one 60-minute walk with Jacob on Sunday.

Target 2: Do one yoga/mindfulness session. Accomplished. Did one 20-minute yoga session this morning before work. Note: this accountability blog was the only reason I got my ass out of bed at 5 a.m. to do yoga! It is still extremely painful for my shoulders.

House cleaning.

Target: Clean main floor. Partially accomplished. Cleaned everything but the two bathrooms.

Work towards the completion of the current work in progress.

Target: Write one to five pages this week. Accomplished. Now at the 1/3 mark for completion of book two in the Joint Task Team Series! Feeling great about the progress.

Lose the COVID weight plus the twenty pounds of pre COVID weight gain.

Target: Lose one pound. Did not accomplish this goal. My food choices were terrible this week. Mostly I ate chicken fingers…Didn’t lose a pound, but didn’t gain any weight either.

Blog.

Target: Write and post blog number two for October. Accomplished. Weight Bias Vs. Chronic Pain blog posted on Wednesday.

Lesson Learned:

I had a number of previously scheduled appointments this week that played havoc with my time and focus. I forgot to include them in my planning, which applied some extra pressure to do more in a smaller amount of time. Less time means paying less attention to what I eat and when. So, no surprise there was no weight loss this week.

Overall – Accomplishing anything in the middle of a pandemic is a challenge, so I’m calling this week a WIN!

New Week - New Goals

Physical Activity.

Target: Two 20 – 30 minute cardio sessions.
Target: One gentle stretching or yoga session.

House Cleaning.

Target: Clean both upstairs bathrooms.

Work towards the completion of the current work in progress.

Target: Write one to five pages this week.

Lose the COVID weight plus the twenty pounds of pre COVID weight gain.

Target: Lose one pound.

Personal Grooming.

Target: Shave my legs. Yes! This has to be a goal or it won’t get done!

That’s it for now, friends. Hope everyone is staying safe and enjoying the fall weather and spectacular autumn colors!

Until the next update—peace out pain sufferers.

Current pain level 7/10.

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Weight Bias Vs. Chronic Pain

2 Comments / Living With Chronic Pain / /

My weight fluctuates. Always has. Always will.

As a kid, I was considered chunky. As a teen, I was labeled athletic. As a young adult, and busy mother, my weight hovered somewhere between 120 and 140 lbs. As an older adult, and haggard working mom, that number increased and my weight bounced between 150 and 199 lbs.

I’ve been skinny. I’ve been larger. I’ve been obese (according to the assorted height/weight charts I’ve consulted over the years).

I have rocked some seriously sexy curves, and my extra curves have sometimes seriously rocked me.

Here’s the thing though—the real truth—not once EVER was I pain-free in all the years my weight fluctuated.

Fibromyalgia doesn’t care if you’re a size 8 or 18. Neither does Arthritis. Or Calcific Tendonitis. Or any of the other pain issues I’ve had or still have. The number on the scale is not the determining factor behind my chronically itchy skin, disgusting night sweats, or debilitating brain fog.

My hips aren’t giving out because I’m currently overweight by about 50 lbs. It’s not the reason my ankles don’t bend, or my shoulder’s keep me awake at night. For sure, the extra weight doesn’t help my situation, but it is not the CAUSE of my pain.

It is not the cause of YOUR pain either.

And don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise!

Medical Bias

There are biases in the medical community. Not just among the white male echelon either. All physicians are human. Therefore, all physicians have biases (some more than others).

That pretty teenager? A hypochondriac looking for attention going by the number of vague symptoms she has. That young black man complaining of exhaustion, shortness of breath, and fever? Probably just doesn’t want to work. That older woman in the hospital emergency room with a sore back. Well, duh. She’s obese.

WRONG.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

The teenager has an appendix about to burst. The young black man has Sickle Cell Disease. The older obese woman, stage-4 breast cancer.

True stories.

It’s sad and disheartening, but research shows weight bias continues to exist across the spectrum of health care. Doctors, nurses, psychologists, dieticians, technologists, specialists—biased attitudes can, and sometimes do, cause harm to patients who present with higher body weights.

On the brighter side, more and more health care professionals are becoming aware of the existence of their own personal weight biases and recognize it as an issue that can no longer be ignored.

So, I’ll just say this and move on. If your pain and/or symptoms are ever brushed off by a medical professional due to your weight (under or over), get a second opinion, and if necessary, a third. Be vocal. No one knows your body better than you do!

Personal Bias

Now here’s the dark side of weight bias associated with chronic pain. It exists EVERYWHERE. On the street, at work, in the gym, in your home.

What the fuck? In your home.

Yes.

In. Your. Home.

I’ll preface this next section by saying I love my husband. He’s a good guy. A good husband. A good father.

He’s also biased as fuck when it comes to me, and my weight. He wants me to be healthier. He wants me to be happier. He thinks losing weight will make those things happen. He’s right. 

But he’s so very wrong, too.

What he doesn’t get—truly does not get—is that I will never be pain-free. He just can’t wrap his head around it. Why? Because he’s never experienced it. Also because a life of chronic pain is not something he wants for me.

Trust me. If Roy could take away my pain by sheer force of will, he would.

He can’t.

Doesn’t stop him from wanting to help by trying to police what I eat (he’s a police officer – it comes naturally to him). Doesn’t stop him from voicing opinions that are wrong.

Just like the fact that loving him doesn’t stop me from going ballistic when he makes a stupid comment. For example, on our too long walk when my hip gave out and he mumbled something about all of us having to deal with the aches and pains of getting older, and maybe if I lost some weight…

UHH. NO.

My hip problems are not me getting older or me carrying too much weight. It’s Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Tendonitis, and who the fuck knows what else (MRI scheduled for November).

By the time I was done educating him, at a rather high decibel, he had a slightly better understanding of my pain and how I felt about his bias towards it. Is he completely reformed? Hell no.

Should I have started the education process twenty years ago? Hell yes. That’s on me.

It was a moment. Not a good one. We’re over it. Will it happen again—sure. Why? Because we’re both stubborn, mule-headed beings, who want the best for and best from each other.

Plus, make no mistake—chronic pain or not—I’m not the easiest chick to live with.

Fix It and Be Done With It

If losing weight won’t take away my pain, why then am I trying to shed 40 lbs?

Multiple reasons:

  • Obesity can increase the risk of other more severe diseases such as diabetes, heart disease/stroke, and cancer.
  • Obesity causes additional stress on an already stressed body, leading to higher levels of chronic pain. Do I believe losing weight will reduce my pain—yes. Eliminate my pain—no.
  • Obesity is hard on my mental health. When I’m overweight, my belief in my self-worth plummets. This is a me thing. By acknowledging it, I take some power back from the inner voice that likes to criticize.
  • Obesity impacts my sleep. I give this one to Roy. Yes. I snore viciously when I’m overweight.
  • Obesity takes away my personal style. I have a closet full of clothes I love and shoes I had to have. I want to be able to wear them ALL.
  • Obesity threatens the retirement I envision for myself. Travel. Hiking. Adventure.

Bottom line—I feel better, I look better, and I have greater confidence when my weight is closer to 160 than 200 lbs.

Yeah. I’ve lost weight before. Like I said, my weight fluctuates. The good thing is I’m experienced in the weight loss department, and I’m determined to do it again. One pound at a time.

How about you? Ever experience any prejudice due to weight bias? If you feel up to it, tell us, what did you do to manage the situation?

Thanks for coming along on my wellness journey!

Until the next blog—peace out pain sufferers.

Current pain level 7/10.

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Accountability Update – Week 2

4 Comments / Accountability Update / /

Hey there, Sharing is Caring People!

Well, we’re doin’ this! Let the updating commence.

Mini-goals for the week starting Thursday Oct 8, 2020:

Increase physical fitness activities.

Target 1: Do one 20 – 30 min cardio session (bike or treadmill). Accomplished. 20 min bike session. Plus, added a 60 min walk with Roy on Sunday, and…it was too much, my hip gave out in the end. Should have stayed around the 30/40 min mark. Also added a 40 min walk with Roy on Wednesday. Had leg cramps at the end, but wasn’t so bad.

Target 2: Do one yoga/mindfulness session. Accomplished. Completed one 20 min yoga/mindfulness session. It was PAINFUL, especially in the shoulder area. Here’s the link if you are interested.

Prepare gardens for winter.

Target: Clean out two garden beds before Monday. Accomplished. Cleaned out all five garden beds, and…it was too much. Paid for it big time with a sore back and shoulders for the remainder of the week.

Reduce physical pain.

Target 1: Move into modified Keto diet (no bread, no sugar). Mostly accomplished. Ate some dark chocolate.

Target 2: Reduce Diet Coke consumption to no more than 3 cans for the week. Accomplished. Drank all three cans from Friday night to Sunday morning. Need to work on my approach! Can NOT WAIT to have a can tonight! LOL.

Work towards completion of current work in progress.

Target: Write one to five pages this week. Accomplished! Wrote more than five pages and completed a new scene. Happy. Happy. Happy!

Lose COVID weight plus the twenty pounds of pre COVID weight gain.

Target: Lose one pound this week. Accomplished! Lost 2 pounds. Current weight is 194.

Figure out what a calcific tendonitis diagnosis means for me.

Target: Call to make a follow up doctor appointment. Accomplished. Phone appointment scheduled.

Lessons Learned

Keep physical targets small. Trying to do too much is TOO MUCH! Yes, it was nice to get all the gardens done in one day, but the physical toll on my body was too high. Same goes for the extra long walk. Some weekends I may be able to do all that and more, but this past weekend wasn’t that weekend, and I knew it when I started.

Happy for the weight loss. Not doing much, other than watching what I eat. So, we’ll see if the downward trend continues.

On that note…

Goals for the next week:

Physical fitness activities.

Target 1: Do two 20 – 30 min cardio session (includes walking).

Target 2: Do one yoga/mindfulness session

House cleaning.

Target: Clean main floor.

Work towards the completion of the current work in progress.

Target: Write one to five pages this week.

Lose the COVID weight plus the twenty pounds of pre COVID weight gain.

Target: Lose one pound.

Blog.

Target: Write and post blog number two for October.

That’s it for now, friends. Hope everyone is staying COVID safe and being mindful of your mental and physical health. If you’re up for participating, drop us a line to tell us how you’re doing with your personal goals! Would love to cheer you on.

Until the next update—peace out pain sufferers.

Current pain level 7/10.

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Accountability Update – Week 1

10 Comments / Accountability Update / /

Hey Everybody,

Spent some time thinking about accountability this past week and decided, if I state my weekly goals, I should probably update on my progress.

So here it is! Week one progress update.

My goals for the week starting Thursday Oct 1, 2020 were to:

Goal: Write and post two blogs in October.

Target: Write and post a blog on October 1. Goal accomplished – Thinking commenced on subject of blog post 2.

Goal: Lose the COVID weight plus the twenty pounds of pre COVID weight gain.

Target: Lose one pound this week. Goal accomplished. Lost 1.4 pounds – current weight 196 pounds. Yes! You read that right. More on the stigma associated with obesity and chronic pain to come.

Goal: Repair the damaged tooth that is ripping the shit out of my tongue.

Target: Make a dentist appointment this week. Goal accomplished. Dentist appointment was on Oct 7. My tongue is still shredded, hoping that resolves this week.

Goal: Reduce the physical pain I’m in.

Target: Eliminate bread from diet. Goal partially accomplished. I broke down and had two crumpets yesterday. (Roy made French toast with them – they smelled so good!)

Goal: Work towards the completion of the current work in progress.

Target: Write one to five pages in one week. Goal accomplished. Seven pages completed. YAY!

SUCCESS!

Establishing small doable targets works for me, but accountability (to someone other than myself) is key.

So, I’m doin’ it again.

Here are my goals for the next week.

Goal: Increase physical fitness activities.

Target 1: Do one 20 – 30 min cardio session (bike or treadmill).

Target 2: Do one yoga/mindfulness session (Lyse and Diane shared links with the group).

Goal: Prepare gardens for winter.

Target: Clean out two garden beds before Monday.

Goal: Reduce the physical pain I’m in.

Target 1: Move into modified Keto diet (no bread, no sugar).

Target 2: Reduce Diet Coke consumption to no more than 3 cans for the week.

Goal: Work towards the completion of the current work in progress.

Target: Write one to five pages this week.

Goal: Lose the COVID weight plus the twenty pounds of pre COVID weight gain.

Target: Lose one pound this week.

Totally doable! Will let you know how I make out with an accountability update next week (also a goal).

Shoulder X-ray/Ultrasound Update:

Since I’m here, I thought I’d give you an update of the results of my x-ray/ultrasound appointment.

As you know, I went to my appointment fully expecting to be disappointed in the negative—we don’t see anything wrong—results. Well, that didn’t happen. The ultrasound technician found “a large chunk of calcium that must be really painful.”

Uh…say what? Calcium? I didn’t ask for more information, and she didn’t volunteer any because technicians generally aren’t allowed to offer their opinions. So, I went home and Googled shoulder calcium.

It’s a thing. Not a good thing. Specifically, it’s called Calcific Tendonitis.

Again…say what?

Here’s what I learned:

Calcific tendonitis (also known as tendinopathy) is caused by a build up of calcium in the tendons. From what I read, there are several theories as to why calcium may develop inside a tendon, but the key seems to be the interruption of the normal repair process leading to the forming of calcium crystals.

While most commonly found in the shoulders, calcific tendonitis can also appear in the elbows, hands, hips, knees, ankles, and feet. The calcium build up causes a reaction with other muscle tissues in the tendons causing varying degrees of pain and assorted mobility issues.

Symptoms—pain and stiffness—can occur at anytime but are often worse at night disrupting sleep and in the early morning making movement difficult.

Caucasian women between 30 and 65 years old are most affected, and people with disorders like diabetes, hypothyroidism, autoimmune diseases (like arthritis), and metabolic disorders that also cause kidney stones, gallstones, and gout are at higher risk of developing calcific tendonitis. (Helloooo, that’s me.)

Current evidence suggest calcium build up may stem from:

  • Genetic predisposition
  • Abnormal cell growth
  • Abnormal thyroid gland activity
  • Bodily production of anti-inflammatory agents
  • Metabolic diseases

Okay, I don’t want calcific tendonitis, maybe the technician was wrong. Nope. For once, the reports have been added to my online medical file fast, and the doctor reviewing the ultrasound has confirmed the diagnosis.

Calcific tendonitis it is.

Son-of-a-bitch.

So? What’s next? How do we treat this shit? What’s the plan?

Bottom line. Don’t know yet. Need to have a conversation with my doctor.

New goal: Figure out what a calcific tendonitis diagnosis means for me.

Target: Call to make a follow up doctor appointment.

That’s it for now! If you have any tips and tricks for managing calcific tendonitis please share!

Take care, and Happy Thanksgiving to those celebrating this weekend.

Until the next blog—peace out pain sufferers.

Current pain level 6/10.

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When Too Much is TOO MUCH

16 Comments / Living With Chronic Pain / /

Hey there, Sharing is Caring Members!

Been a while, but I haven’t forgotten you. September was a blur. Gone in the blink of an eye.

Anyone else experience this fast forward, what the hell, where did the time go phenomenon?

No? Just me? Alrighty then…

Time for a wellness journey update.

As you can probably tell from the general sassiness of this blog, my depression has finally lifted. I’m feeling motivated and recharged. Then again, fall does that to me. It’s my favorite season. October my favorite month. Hellooo, sweater weather, warm booties, crisp apples, fall decorating, and Halloween.

So What’s New?

Well, for starters, I’m writing again, working on book two in the Joint Task Team series. I have made a conscious decision to self-publish book one in the fall of 2021, and want to have book two waiting in the wings ready to go. When I think about all the work, time, and money investment that goes along with becoming an indie author, I get overwhelmed—FAST!

But here’s the thing, last month, I participated in a thirty-day Accountability Challenge. Designed to get participants moving towards their goals, the challenge offered an opportunity to make and report on daily targets, learn what works and doesn’t work for our personal circumstances, and find ways to keep moving forward amid so much uncertainty in the world.

What I learned, or maybe already knew, but the challenge solidified for me, is that my bigger goals easily overwhelm me. The finish line, an ever-moving target with scary as fuck unknowns lurking behind every door, is intimidating.

If I self-publish, will people like my books? Will the money I spend on book covers, marketing, professional editing be wasted? Will all my reviews be scathing? Am I a fraud? Will I ever finish writing another novel in a series?

Will I… Will I… Will I…

And on and on I go.

The self-doubt is crippling.

So what did I do to set myself up for success? I set my daily targets low. Today I will write one page. Today I will start a new scene. Today I will do my best to make it through this workday without maiming anyone. Today I will read this new book. Today I will finish writing this chapter.

Well, guess what? My passion for writing was rekindled. Creativity returned. My productivity went up. My mood stabilized. My crippling fear took a back seat. And super happy to report, most days, I exceeded my writing target, and on the days I didn’t, I didn’t beat myself up over it, which is new for me!

Lesson learned—give myself reasonable, achievable targets that move me in the direction of the bigger goal.

Got it. I can do this shit.

So What’s Next?

Yes. I already knew accountability was an important factor in achieving my goals. It’s why I lost fifty pounds when I joined Weight Watchers all those years ago, and why I started this chronic pain blog last January. But we all get lost sometimes, bogged down by life. Beat up by our own personal demons.

2020 didn’t go the way I imagined. When I started my wellness journey, I didn’t anticipate being completely derailed by a worldwide pandemic. I started working longer and longer days, started working weekends, started gaining weight, started feeling dejected, isolated, and hopeless, started suffering from increasing pain levels.

Summer slipped past me, largely unnoticed.

Then September hit, I signed up for the Accountability Challenge, and I was reminded, when I set small goals for myself, with some sort of daily or weekly check-in, I usually meet or surpass my targets.

So, I’m doing it again.

I’m restating my intentions. 2020 is not over. I’m still on my wellness journey. Now that I’ve had time to reflect, it’s time to refocus.

My goals: (Not in any particular order)

Goal: Write and post two blogs in October.

Target: Write and post this blog on October 1. WOO-HOO! Nailed it. Target achieved.

Goal: Lose the COVID weight plus the twenty pounds of pre COVID weight gain.

Target: Lose one pound this week.

Goal: Repair the damaged tooth that is ripping the shit out of my tongue.

Target: Make a dentist appointment. WOO-HOO! Appointment made. Target Achieved.

Goal: Reduce the physical pain I’m in.

Target: Eliminate bread from diet to reduce inflammation starting today.

Goal: Work towards the completion of the current work in progress.

Target: Write one to five pages by next week.

Small Doable Targets.

That’s it. Small doable targets to manage those thoughts and feelings that overwhelm, leading to action paralysis. 

As for accountability? Well, I stated my intentions here for a reason. I’ll pop back in to let you know how the above went.

There’s more (of course, there’s always more) I need to do to get my wellness journey back on track and my pain under control, but I’m taking baby steps. And yeah, WINTER is coming, and you all know I’m not the Queen of the North, so that’s a niggling worry in the back of my mind.

For now, I’m feeling good. Which is to say, I’m in pain, but I’m optimistic, even though I’m positive today’s x-ray and ultrasound will not indicate anything abnormal with my too sore to move left shoulder.

How about you? How’s everyone coping? How do you set your goals? Big chunks or small? What have you accomplished that you’re happy with/proud of/just wanted to get fucking done?

Anyway…that’s it for now, friends. Hope everyone is staying safe and sane!

Until the next blog—peace out pain sufferers.

Current pain level 7/10.

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