No. I’m not angry. No. I’m not hangry. I’m paingry.
A whole lot of paingry. I’m paingry because my back is spasming (again). I’m paingry because I need physiotherapy for my hip, but I can’t get in to see my doctor, and my phone consult is still three weeks away. I’m paingry because this pain flare-up seems to have no end in sight. And I’m paingry because I’m not motivated to help myself, clean the house, or finish this fucking blog.
There. I said it. I’m PAINGRY.
Yep. All caps PAINGRY.
CHRONIC PAIN SUCKS
No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Chronic pain SUCKS. Whether you’ve suffered for three weeks, six months, twenty-five years, or longer—chronic pain can, and more often than not does, take a toll on your mental health.
It is NOT something to be ashamed of.
Studies show people with chronic pain experience depression and increased anxiety at twice the rate of the general population, often resulting in a lower health-related quality of life.
Living with chronic pain is stressful. Daily pain equals daily stress. Daily, or chronic, stress can change the levels of hormones and neurochemicals within your brain, affecting your mood, thinking, and behaviors. Picture chronic pain and stress like a computer virus attacking and damaging your central processor.
In other words, depression, anxiety, and moodiness is the result of altered brain-biology and is NOT something chronic pain sufferers can control.
It is NOT something I can control.
Much to my dismay.
MIND AND BODY ARE CONNECTED
When one is malfunctioning, the other is usually not too far behind. Pain can cause mental illness, and mental illness can cause pain. Vicious meet cycle. Not the merry-go-round you want to be on my friends.
Unfortunately, sometimes diagnosing and treating chronic pain conditions and associated mental health problems tests the medical community’s skills and abilities. Add in personal biases, heavy patient loads, and long wait times for referrals, and some patients may suffer for months or even years without proper physical and/or mental care.
Now add to that the general population’s lack of understanding of what chronic pain sufferers go through daily, and it’s no wonder we sometimes get PAINGRY.
And WARNING—unless you want to be on the receiving end of a paingry outburst, telling chronic pain sufferers to soldier on is risking a poke at the paingry bear most of us try to keep caged. Putting one foot in front of the other does not fix this shit, especially when that first step results in severe hip pain.
LIVING HEALTHY IS HARD WORK
Yes, there are things we can do to reduce our stress and improve our pain responses. No. I’m not doing any of those things at the moment.
Exercise – nope.
Health eating – nope.
Meditation – nope.
Talk therapy – nope.
Medication – nope.
Listen, I know what I need to do to get to where I want to be, but mentally, I’m not ready. And that’s okay. I’ve got time. I just wish I wasn’t so damn paingry with myself, because trust me, there’s no one harder on this chronic pain sufferer, than this chronic pain sufferer.
Yeah. The cycle is vicious, but I’m a bitch, so no worries.
I’ve got this.
Until the next (hopefully less paingry) blog—peace out pain sufferers.
Current pain level 8/10.
Been there!
Lots!
I hope you find some relief soon 💕
Thanks, Lyse.
So many of us paingry bears out there! LOL.
Everything you are saying is so true! I am in so much pain that I really wish they would just take the right side of me away. Not even sure my left is any better ! Two weeks now and my level of pain is at the highest it’s been many years. But for me I have to do things that I could do sleeping. Like cooking ,jarring tomatoes, but I tried baking cookies well the peanut butter ones did not turn out! Lost a dozen butter tarts to sticking so I think I better not bake for a while. I guess just have to keep going! Take care and sending gentle hugs.
I hear you. Hate it when the easy things get hard!
Wishing you lower pain days ahead.
Well said Cousin. I hear you loud & clear. Hoping you find some relief soon.xoxo
Thanks, Alice.